Dr. Lindsay Gibson
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Freeing Yourself:
You don't exist to serve other people's emotional immaturity

Supreme Court Recognizes Emotional Harm

7/3/2015

6 Comments

 
In writing the Supreme Court majority opinion on the constitutional right of same-sex marriage, Justice Kennedy defended love and commitment as crucial liberties. His opinion is based on the belief that emotions matter, reminding us that our rights and liberties exist as means to a happier life. It says that the Constitution protects our right to live a lawful life that feels right from the inside out.

As a psychologist, this reminder of the right to pursue positive emotions is exciting, because it tells us that the pursuit of emotional fulfillment is protected at the very foundations of our early government. It also validates the truth that emotional harm can be as grievous a legal injury as physical or economic harm. 

Justice Kennedy cites emotional harm in his argument against the denial of same-sex marriage rights. He acknowledges the hurt that results from laws and customs that make people feel bad about themselves, and he rejects prohibitions that would "disparage their choices and diminish their personhood." The mission of psychotherapy is often the same, to help people recover from inhumane past treatment that shamed or subjugated them into self-doubt and impaired self-esteem.

In the Obergefell-v-Hodges opinion, Justice Kennedy uses terms of emotional injury such as "demean," "disrespect" and "pain and humiliation." He reminds us that the Constitution protects our right to be protected from emotionally hurtful treatment. The court decision asserts that social exclusion harms people, and that a person's full liberty, in the sense that the Constitution means it, cannot occur without a protected climate of acceptance and dignity. In the following passage, Justice Kennedy explicitly describes the emotional deprivation that occurs in the absence of equal marriage rights:

"Marriage responds to the universal fear that a lonely person might call out only to find no one there. It offers the hope of companionship and understanding and assurance that while both still live there will be someone to care for the other."

This Court's majority opinion defends our liberty to fulfill our deepest emotional needs. It reminds us not only of our legal rights, but our emotional rights. It says that people are not legally equal or able to enjoy full liberty if seeking happiness in full emotional commitment means that they will be shamed or excluded.

The opinion recognizes that this right to fulfill our deepest emotional bonds is crucial to protect for everyone. With this decision, we are all reminded that certain undeniable emotional needs are the core of a happy life, and must be protected as much as any other liberty. We can all celebrate our freedom to live in emotional authenticity this Fourth of July.




6 Comments
Janine G.
8/13/2015 10:44:15 pm

Sorry, I didn't register the prior comment correctly earlier. What I wanted to say was "Yay Justice Kennedy! So happy someone with the power to change it finally did! "

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Lindsay Gibson link
9/1/2015 03:39:57 am

Yes, and wonderful that the highest court's power was used to validate that emotional suffering is a real kind of injury.

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momo
8/23/2015 09:16:19 am

Your book: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents has finally affirmed for me that I am not crazy. I feel so calm and most importantly very free. It never bothered me that my parents were emotionally immature but I was considered inadequate for having the desire to fulfill my emotional needs. I have suffered from depression for many years as they made it clear to me that I was the one with the problem. It was very clear in my family of origin that emotions were not to be discussed, felt or demonstrated. I was considered to be weak for wanting intimacy and honesty.
Thank you for your book. I can now finally release all the tension I have carried for so many long years.

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Lindsay Gibson
9/1/2015 03:43:37 am

So glad the book reinforced your clarity about the unassailable legitimacy of your basic human needs for connection.

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Katie
11/10/2015 11:28:14 pm

I just finished your book. Talk about life changing for me. I understand so very much now. One question - how does someone find a good psychologist to see on this topic? It's obvious that I need to seek counseling at this juncture in life, so that I am not taking my own children down the same road I was forced to go down. Any assistance you can provide would be greatly appreciate!

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Lindsay Gibson
1/8/2016 10:19:27 am

Katie, so sorry I am seeing your question only now after such a long time. (Holidays were busy and website was neglected!) The best way to find a good therapist is to do a little interviewing over the phone with the potential therapist. The best bets are therapists who have training in both psychodynamic therapy and family therapy. Also, to ask them if they are familiar with the concept of emotionally immature parents and the problems they cause. Don't give up if you don't find the right one immediately. Contacting large practices or psychiatric hospitals and describing what you are looking for can be a place to start too. You could bring the book with you to the first appointment, and ask if this looks like what they address in therapy. Best of luck to you, Katie, in finding that therapist who can help you interrupt any old generational patterns that may have held you back.

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